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There are certain things that can unveil the confusion such as an argument which happens all the time in any relationship. You’re your own person with your own thoughts and beliefs and so is your partner. You’re not going to agree on everything, but real love doesn’t involve fighting over who should make the bed or who loaded the dishwasher or whether you should order pizza tonight. If that’s happening all the time, there’s something deeper going on and it’s not good.

It’s unfortunately all too easy to think that an emotionally abusive guy is actually totally charming. By the time you’re in an official relationship, they’re complaining about the way that you made dinner or saying that you buy too much makeup and just generally undermining you. This isn’t any way to treat someone that you love, even if he swears that’s how he feels about you.

You might need to bear in mind that there’s nothing wrong with staying in touch with the person that you’re in a relationship with. In fact, it’s normal. What’s not normal is when your partner can’t stand that you have a life outside of them and won’t stop messaging you when you’re grabbing drinks with your friends. If they really loved you, they’d let you live your life and have one of their own too.

It is also worth to note that, It’s not love if your partner often says that they’re going to break up with you in retaliation for something you say or do that they don’t like. They might try to seem all romantic by saying that it’s OK and they’re not going to leave you and they were just angry, but come on. That’s just not a legit way to behave. Every couple fights sometimes but threatening to end the relationship shouldn’t happen unless they’re serious about it.

And being in a new relationship can turn anyone, even the biggest social butterflies, into total homebodies. It makes sense that for the first few months, you and your boyfriend want nothing to with the outside world and you want to stay in your bubble. Still, it’s weird and uncool if your partner never wants to go to your friends’ parties or even go out for dinner every once in a while. Just because you’re off the market doesn’t mean you can never socialize with anyone who isn’t your partner.

If you find yourself with a partner who often pressures you, you need to run. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been with your partner for five years and they think that it’s about time that you got engaged already. If you’re not ready for something, whether that’s sleeping with someone for the first time or deciding to get married, that’s all that matters. Your partner should never, ever pressure you into meeting relationship milestones. It’s not cute or sweet or romantic.

The ones with wavy temper are ones to watch out for. No relationship is perfect and everyone has at least one sore spot. Maybe you’re quick to get defensive when you’re criticized or your partner doesn’t communicate enough. The real problem happens when you want to talk to them about what’s going on and instead of listening and having a real adult conversation, they get pissed off that you’re bringing this stuff up in the first place.

Also, just because you’re in a relationship with someone doesn’t mean that you can decide everything for your partner. Real love isn’t about putting down a deposit on a cottage for this summer without checking with your person first or telling everyone that you’re already engaged when you haven’t even discussed it yet. These things might seem like simply part of being with someone, but they’re actually huge red flags that your partner is selfish.

You will agree that it is so unbearable when your partner does not like your friends or family. It is an amazing thing for everyone that you love to get along, from your partner to your best friend from preschool to your quirky but fun aunt. Although not everyone’s going to be besties, it’s fair to say that you can all be civil to each other. When your partner says that they hate the people that you care about, it’s not only hurtful but it’s really messed up. This is no way to have a relationship, no matter how much they say they love you.